wow, i cannot believe that it's summer already! every semester seems to go by faster and faster. there's so much that lies ahead of me this summer break: worldview camp, thirty hour famine, going to Caux again, visiting Michael in Ohio, reading many many books to fill my head up with knowledge, painting again, relearning chinese...

things i learned this semester:
1. a semester without studio doesn't necessarily mean i make more time for studying...although it should.
2. i need to work on making time for people.
3. i'm not a very good singer or dancer (i might have known this prior to this semester...) in fact, i'm just not very coordinated.
4. small spurts of cleaning can be kind of fun
5. earl grey from ici is AMAZING.
6. my chinese has gotten worse...but my chinglish has improved.

as i anticipate the many activities this summer will have, i am filled with bits of anxiety, excitement, and hope. primarily, i'm worried about Caux. this is my first time traveling by myself, so i'm nervous about that - about all the little things that could happen: what if i lose something? what i forget something? what if i get lost? and then i'm worried about what will happen at the conference itself. i have had such high hopes for this place, for what i am able to bring to it and the experience i will get out of it. what if i am unable to connect with people? what if i am inadequate, unable to contribute anything? i know i have a lot to learn and i hope that this trip will teach me many new things about the world but about myself as well.

on the flip side of all this anxiety: i'm so excited! when i went to Caux 2 years ago, i was so surprised by how genuine and kind everyone was there. people want to get to know you and talk to you. i can't wait to meet people from all over the world. i'm interested in all the conference topics, especially the "learning to live in a multicultural world" theme. i am eager to participate in the discussion groups and do what i can to help with the technical department. hopefully i'll make some friends and we can travel around switzerland during our off-days.

i hope that this summer can be one that is humbling, active, inspiring, and knowledgeable. i want to learn learn learn - learn the things i don't have time for during the school year. where shall i start? well, there is a pile of books on my desk right now, waiting to be read.

let it begin! :)

lately i've found it easy to get lost in the nitty gritty details of my every day life, and forget about the bigger picture.

kelly, remember what kind of a person you want to become. remember not to have a small heart, but a big one that is willing to be open, and loving. remember to be humble and thankful for all that you have.

"The love for equals is a human thing - of a friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles.

The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing - the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world.

The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing - to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints.

And then there is the love for the enemy - love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world."
-- Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat

I came across this excerpt again today, and every time I read it I always feel so moved and humbled. There are countless moments in my life where I find it so difficult to love people. It is easy to be hurt by and feel anger towards those I hold closest to my heart - but I make myself vulnerable to them and I care for them because I love them. Even so, this kind of love can be trying. However, the difficulty of loving my family or friends cannot compare to the other kinds of love: love for the less fortunate, the people I envy, and my enemies. I cannot fathom making myself truly vulnerable to someone I don't know at all, especially not someone that has caused me pain. This is a result of my selfish desire to protect myself from harm and dwell comfortably in this bubble I call life.

But God has demonstrated this great love, through Jesus, who laid down his life so that we may live. So that I may live.

May I be someone who loves as You do, Daddy, someone filled with compassion for my family, my friends, the poor, the rich, and those who may never love me back. May Your abounding love inspire me.